The Thing About Girls Is....

So by now I have introduced Abi, she's my 12 year old daughter trapped in the mind of a ...well, 12 year old girl. Really, she is an old soul I like to say, she contemplates life quietly and says very little to me about what she is wondering or questioning through life. I rarely know what is going on inside her head, but she does ask intelligent questions when she speaks~ she has absolutely no interest in me whatsoever, unless I am focusing on something positive regarding her. Oh and I do believe she values my opinion but ONLY when she has asked for it, and this does not mean she will side with me...but she quietly listens and uses my words as she so chooses.

See a minute ago I tried to make conversation with her (it was something she had asked me about a week ago, so I thought I would add to the conversation and I should have known better)...she stared at me, testing me... always testing me, shook her head and then walked away. Ok, my first instinct is to get mad! You know those stupid commercials.. the ones that say "talk to your kids". Well I wonder if the creators of these commercials have ever had an adolescent daughter. Honestly. Because you can't make conversation with a wall and you can't make conversation with a 12 year old if she isn't the one who brought up the topic for discussion. Try as I may its useless.

I have recently found myself being difficult to her for no reason other than to be like "there! how do you like it?". Its very immature I know. I try to stop myself~ and see I did a good job by sitting down to type instead of growling at her like I so much wanted to do!

Now, if you know Abi, I mean truly know her, you know she is not one to be fake. Although I am finding the older she gets, the more influence her friends have on her decision making....which is bothering me more than you will ever know~"I need a Coach purse" is not something I feel my 12 year old should believe she NEEDS! But at the same time I respect it as I do remember being a teenager and wanting the latest fashions and ... well, whatever. I was just hoping she would be more earth friendly and aware and want less than the average kid. (I'm sure she will grow up eventually)

Now when I initially sat down to type this...I was typing out of frustration...for my daughters disregard to me...to my feelings...to things I have to say or suggest~because I really dont think I am stupid. I began typing to keep myself from yelling at her and asking her exactly where does she get off being so mean all the time. I try to talk and she just looks (stares as I mentioned early...and only for a few seconds, but enough to prove her point) at me with her blue eyes~looks at me like I'm stupid. Perhaps I'm not as smart as I think...because lets face it, where this one is concerned I am LOST!

I get very frustrated with her self-centered ness. She always thinks of herself first...well, that's not exactly true, but I do find that she has very little concern for me. For example: its 5:30pm on a Wednesday night, Mason is at soccer camp, and I'm making dinner and she's sitting over me asking "can we go to the mall?". She had her birthday recently and of course wants to spend her money. NO WE CANNOT GO TO THE MALL I rebut! Which I'm sure is in direct consequence of her looking/staring at me earlier when I was attempting to talk to her.

BUT as soon as she glimpsed what may have been a picture of her on my blog (i have been very quick about shutting down while typing when she ventures too close) she has been flitting in and out of the room staying close by me, making small talk about this and that. See, if she feels she is the center of the universe than she's your best friend. Me typing about her...makes her interested in me! (hmm, maybe i should type about her all the time). But as you see she's very egocentric...and I love to tell her so, to which she always replies "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"....look it up your so smart!

I love my little girl--i'm very grateful that I only have one-- and if it wasn't such a family issue (i can actually go into that detail some other day) then I would probably spend 90% of my day bragging her up and down. There is so much about her that I love and respect. But for now I am allowed my moments of frustration. Those days when she makes me want to scream and pull out my (or actually her) hair...because deep down inside I know she is exactly like me....but better, and the day will come when she will WANT to talk to me--for reasons other than the fact that if she's nice i MIGHT take her to the mall.