Like a chicken with its head cut off

After running around in circles the last few months I realize it is time that I make an attempt at some updates. Alot has changed in our farm family since my last blog post, so ever so quickly (i'll spare you the details) I will give you the run down on what's old, what's new and what's just impossible to think about.
The Squirrel named Buddy disappeared one day~ in fact the day after he opened his eyes. But I'm not a fool and I know exactly where he ended up. I must continue to love my dogs as I'm sure it was pure instinct that drove them to devour every ounce of him not so much as leaving a scant bit of hair.
In fairness, I knew the crate he was switched too was too big, but being the admitted worry wart I opted to keep my mouth closed and say nothing to the child that switched out the crate, when it really matter most. Buddy paid the ultimate price~ and that is a bit of guilt I will continue to live with daily.
Where animals are concerned I carry guilt in failures with me constantly.

About two weeks ago we suffered a blow out with one of the hens, Salt actually. Our beloved little Barred Plymouth Rock. It started out "small" and ended up more disgusting then anything I had ever seen. I believe we had caught it too late~not for lack of trying. I had managed to clean the girl up, push her butt back in, and separate her to prevent her bottom from being picked even more. But when I went back out the next day, preparation H in hand, what I saw was absolutely NOT fixable and spotted with the beginnings of maggots, which let me know we were not looking at something that happened yesterday. Do I sound slightly cold about the event. I probably do. Do I carry the tons of guilt with me because I didn't catch it sooner... I do. Being an animal lover every single time something goes wrong I sit and think of 1000 ways to blame myself for what should've/could've/would've been done differently. I pushed her ass back in for christ sake, this is not something I probably in a hundred years thought I would ever do.
My husband unfortunately had the dirty assignment of putting poor Salty out of her misery. Although that is a story I have not told children, nor do I plan on it. He said it was eeewy and gooey and not at all pleasant. But he manned up and did what he had to. So good for him, it was quick...well except for that part when she jumped up and ran around like a chicken w/ her head cut off! He tossed a rag over her headless body because he couldn't bare to watch. He later buried her in the garden~to bask in the New England autumn sunshine.
I have more news to share, but it is late and I am tired, exhausted really from recapping the misery of the past two months. I can promise you I am not through. It is my hope that come weeks end this will all have a happy ending....but for today, that is not the case. And I can't bear to go on.